Trust

Original Post: November 4, 2006

How can something so intangible be so fundamental to everything? Relationships are ripped apart from it, families are feuding, friendships are ended, wars are waged--over this vague notion of trust. What IS it? I can't even describe it--but I know when it is gone. The empty feeling in your belly--the seize in your chest--the welling in your eyes...not just from broken hearts--that we recover from, it is the burn of your pride being slapped. That you've had faith in someone and they have made a mockery of your faith. The humiliation of being proven wrong--that you trusted carelessly.
The question is--what happens when someone tries to regain that trust? Can a country ever trust an ally that's betrayed them? Will you ever fully welcome that family member back into your heart? Will that friend ever share the closeness they shared with you before? Will that lover ever win that faith they had? I don't know if it is possible. I liken it to the notion of 'phantom pains.' My grandfather lost his leg--and for the years that followed, he would still get aches in the limb that wasn't there. That is what the loss of trust is. A dull ache in a place you can't place, a place you can't find--it comes out of nowhere--after you have resigned yourself to the fact that you can move on, you can accept that person back into your life...but then it resurfaces...the phantom notion of "what if" and you just wonder if it will ever totally go away.