Butterflies & Shadows

Original Post: May 23, 2007

The impact took her by surprise…but then she wished she could laugh at how trite that seemed…of course it was a surprise…who expects that? As she closed her eyes she noticed the all-consuming silence. 'They are right,' she thought to herself, 'time does slow down.' When she opened her eyes she thought she saw her shadow dancing out of her line of sight and she couldn't help but wonder who it was that chased his shadow? Her memories burst from her like a basket of butterflies being released and her head lolled to the side as she watched them float away…the smell of her father when he came home from work filled her every pore as a butterfly drifted past her face – sweat and grease and gasoline…but maybe that was from the car? The feeling of her mom's hair tickled her cheek and her neck as if she were on her lap being rocked to sleep…she could feel it as if the hair were trickling down her cheeks. She could hear the low murmur of her grandmother singing to her…silently lulling her to sleep. She could feel her chest burning with each step of the summer races between her brother and she as they raced to "home base" in the backyard. She wished for a net so she could capture the brightly colored butterflies and put them back where they belonged as she feared she would never be able to corral them again. Her eyes opened and she looked to the side, again amazed at how time moved in slow motion… and then her mind burst with things she would never have. A baby crying for the first time and the hand of her husband on her back when they danced at her wedding, the creak of a rocking chair on the front porch while she watched her grandchildren play…she was desperate to catch the butterflies – certain that this would ensure a solid future – but her eyes could no longer see where they went. She saw her shadow again, just out of her line of sight and she let out a laugh and closed her eyes and breathed "Peter Pan-that was his name."